A walk down town in Red Wing

What to do with Lynn…….

As many of you know, Lynn’s school will not be open next year.  We are searching and praying for a solution to this dilema.  There are 2 schools left.  One is another Lutheran school and the other is a non-denominational christian school.  Today, I attended a meeting for the non-denominational school only to find…… the school closed down too, but there are efforts to keep it going by starting a completely new school.  I was asked if I wanted to be on the school board and get this school moving.  I am not sure if we are going to be here.  I don’t want to take on a project…. just find a school!!!  I am at a loss for what to do.  I hope to check out the Lutheran school soon.  Otherwise, moving seems like the only other option.  All options are not easy.  Keep us in prayer.

Free Garage sale!

Last weekend, I brought Lynn with me to help with an all free garage sale.  Last year, I attended by myself, but was invited to participate this year as well.  It is held in St. Paul in a rough neighborhood.  There are 5 young men who live in a converted condominium that was once a church.  It is refered to as, the Ekklesiah house.  These young men wish to make a big impact in their neighborhood for Christ.  They are near and dear to my heart.  I wished to bring Lynn this year so she can see not all kids get to grow up in the suburbs or in a safe small town along the golf course.  It wasn’t as much of an impact as I had hoped.  She just seemed a little scared.  Oh well… maybe another time.

Father’s day

I slept the whole morning of father’s day while Jeremy took care of both kids.  When he came to wake me up, I wished him a Happy Father’s day and told him he got to celebrate by being a great father!  He chose the Red Robin for where he wanted to dine out.  I was glad it was Father’s day and not Mother’s day.  For me, my dining experience was not so great.  As soon as we arrived, we discovered we had forgotten Gideon’s diaper bag and had to buy diapers and formula at the nearest Walgreens.  Once the food came, Gideon was desperate to eat!!  After eating, he manufactured quite a poopy diaper.  When I went to change him, there was a woman vomiting profusely as Gideon cried.  I finally sat down to my cold burger, gobbled it up, and it hit my stomach like a rock…… ugggg. 

At least Jeremy had a great time!!

Time to hold Gideon…..

Lynn graduates from Kindergarten!

SHE DID IT!!  Lynn has finished her first year of school.  I can’t believe how fast it went.  Last Thursday night, there was a ceremony for all the kindergarteners and the rest of students in Lynn’s school to congradulate and say good bye.  This year is the last year her school will be open.  It was emotional for those who have attended to helped fund this school.  As for us, we are too new and our thoughts are in finding a new school for our children.  Lynn will be seperated from her friends, her age and older.  I snapped a few shots of that night.

[caption id="attachment_764" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Our adorable graduate!"][/caption]

Another weekend closer to normal

First, I must apologize to our friends and family who eagerly await updated pictures of Lynn and Gideon.  I have been a disappointment lately because…. I broke my camera.  I am dependant on my cell phone to take any photos. 

Today, Jeremy took the kids for the day while I attended my first spiritual warfare conference held by Lighthouse Ministries International.  Yes, it is a deliverance ministry and may seem a little creepy to some of you.  Deliverance ministries are not very popular no matter what circle you happen to be in.  To be in one, a person will have a strong calling or desire to do it.  Over the past 2 years, I’ve felt the call and the more I learn and practice it, the stronger my passion for it becomes.  Though scary at times, I see the necessity for it.  Spiritual warfare was 1/3 of Christ’s ministry while on earth.  If we want to be like Jesus, we must open ourselves to all of his works. 

I did not anticipate issues from our adoption to resurface for me at this conference, but strangely, they did.  One speaker talked about losing a child through miscarriage.  Many advised them to just move on when they couldn’t shake the hurt.  They thought it was wise and tried their best to logically tell themselves it was no big deal and it was just tissue.  Years later, they found themselves weeping at the grave site of this unborn “tissue” because they had not taken that time to grieve the loss of a child.  They did not lose a tissue, they lost a child.

After losing Levi and gaining Gideon, many have said, “Oh, it was meant to be, how wonderful!”  There is nothing wonderful about losing a child.  I have also bought the lie from the enemy from time to time that Levi was just a picture and no big deal.  I also believe losing Levi was not meant to be.  I think the Lord allowed victory for the enemy in that battle and smeared the victory of Gideon in his face right after.  I believe I was intended to be Levi’s mother.  It kills me almost every day that I don’t know where he is, if he is alive, or if he has parents.  I have to trust the Lord that he is turning this yucky situation into great things for us and Levi….. wherever he is.

To the fans of Horners family Corner….

Thank you kindly for your comments about my blogging.  I enjoy reading messages from individuals from all over who have stumbled upon our website through a search engine or simply surfing the web.  I am posting this entry just for all of you because many have asked if there is a way to subscribe to this blog.  I want to inform you need not subscribe and you can access this website for free any time. 

 Another question I have been asked is if I have concidered blogging for money.  It would be a dream come true if I were paid to blog!  I love to write.  I have two books I’ve been working on here and there when I get time or inspiration.  One I believe would work best if originally starting out as a blog.  It is a devotional for 40 days called, “40 days of fasting from men”.  It would consist of 40 entries to encourage women to obstain from dating for 40 days to discover a true view of how God sees them, free themselves of bondage and old, failing patterns of dating, and what kinds of things should they insist on and/or not settle for while in dating relationships.  Feel free to share your thoughts.  I love hearing from all of you!

Stretch marks

Scars, blemishes, unwanted body hair, or even freckles are programmed into the average female brain to be undesirable and must be removed or at a minimum, hidden.  If not, you too will be considered “undesirable”.  The pressure begins early in our young lives and entering the door of motherhood does not include a door prize of lax on this ridiculous demand to be blemish free….. and could not come at a worse time.  After giving birth to my daughter, Lynn, I soon came to realize my body was not my own and had been horribly modified to accommodate this bundle of joy.  My hips had expanded with extra poundage, my breasts had transformed from sexually alluring to food machines, and the worst…. Stretch marks.  I remember giving my doctor a good laugh by telling her, “When I look down at my legs, I think, Well, I recognize those.”  I enjoyed motherhood, but what I was experiencing seemed to be the absolute worst hit to my self-esteem and I couldn’t imagine anything worse…. Until I was barren. 

Barrenness can make you crazy.  I found sympathy and relief from women who are long gone but their stories are alive within the breathed word of God.  I began to understand for the first time how Sarah could give another woman to her husband or why Elizabeth hid in seclusion for 5 months once discovering her pregnancy.  Though the public humiliation is not as evident in this culture or day in age, scrutiny and judgment continue to exist as a poke to an already infected wound.  Often, other women of all ages assumed I did not want other children and was some sort of weak women.  Some mothers with many children lamented in rubbing in how I was clueless as to how difficult it was to take care of more than one child.  Poke, poke, poke…. 

A failed adoption came to be the most difficult trial of my life so far.  Suddenly, stretch marks became one of the few pieces of evidence I had for success in becoming a mother.  Once I discovered the Lord opened my womb and bless me with a second child, I laughed and was in disbelief as Sarah did.  I found myself desiring seclusion out of fear that at any moment, I might have this child taken away.  I wasn’t sure if it was wise to share our good news until I was showing when we could feel safe that loosing the baby at that point was unlikely.  As I grew larger, fresh new stretch marks appeared.  Due to the amount of loss I had endured, the stretch marks were not repulsive, but they were Gideon’s. 

Ladies, enjoy your stretch marks!  They are marks only we can bear of our strength and blessings God has given us.  I hope my story inspires a new personal perspective as we all look at ourselves in the mirror seeking to find something familiar.  Instead of looking for the past, embrace the present image and find joy in the marks of your own growing pains.  They bring you closer and closer to women of noble character.

Time for Nana Diane and Papa Dave

Praise God for all of the visiting grandparents!  Dave and Diane came this week.  Each of them were a huge help!  Diane helped to care for Lynn and Gideon while I got some sleep while preparing me many meals to thaw and cook in my freezer.  David helped us to get a new lawn mower and provide the only entertainment David can bring.  As I am still healing and Jeremy heads back to work for another outage, we wished we could have visited more, but desperately needed the extra week of help.  Thanks Dave and Diane for all you did for us!!!!