Modern Day Pharisee

You, Pharisee! Yes, that’s what you are. 

You are a one trick pony.

Instead of a box tied for everyone to see, you have an ace up your sleeve.

With one hand, keep showing that ace to dazzle the crowd with your righteousness. 

With the other, you hide that your working hand holds nothing.

Your stories are the same and make you proud.

Hearing them told over and over causes you to blush.

Hearing them in your own voice brings even greater pleasure.

They remain on the surface.

You are a wolf in sheep clothing.

The only way to the head of the pack is to bruise and devour the sheep among you. 

I do not have time for your games. 

As Christ boldly stated what you are.

“Hypocrite!  You do not practice what you preach!”

I do not fear you. 

I know what you are.

……………….

This week, Jeremy and I received the social worker’s report in the mail. Jeremy read it, but I didn’t. I didn’t see any point. I was supposed to visit my best friend, Gretchen this weekend. Jeremy and Lynn planned to go to Jeremy’s parent’s for a visit while I was gone. My travel plans didn’t work out, so I have stayed home. The time alone has been good. One of the first things I have done is get my first spa pedicure! What a great experience.
Here are my toes!!!

Finally, some closure

This week, we cashed our checks from America World and paid off the final loan we took out to finalize the adoption. I just finished “The Shack” this week. It was recommended to me because there was a loss of a child. It was helpful to read. The book was a great enhancement to the grief/loss counseling we have been getting since June.

Here’s …. some news

We received a letter from America World this week. It was good and bad. The good was they sent a check for more than they originally offered. According to them, out of “grace”. According to us, out “recognized mistake”. The bad is that due to thier error, they must find a way to cover the error by firing us after we have fired them. If we choose to adopt again with another agency, we now have to explain why they fired us as clients. Yes, we have a paper trail and it would be easy. The point is…. this is SUPPOSED to be a Christian agency. It is all sad, very sad.

Turning lemons into lemonade

The latest study within the men’s group at church comes from Philip Yancey’s “What’s So Amazing About Grace?”. Jeremy was sharing with me about a woman’s story told in this book. She and her fiance put down a large deposit for their wedding reception. As the wedding draws closer, the groom gets cold feet and ends the engagement. When she seeks to get back her deposit, the venue tells her the best she can get is a small fraction of what she has already paid. She chooses to put down the second half of the deposit and invite all of the poor of Boston and have a glorious feast/party. Boneless chicken was served to honor the groom and waiters served to elderly, bag ladies, and addicts. Champagne, chocolate cake, and dancing were enjoyed by all who came. What a sight that must have been!
The point is, she turned her sorrow and pain into blessing others. I thought about it and thought about it. I could look at a nursery each and every day for a child that is not coming or I could bless others with a nursery with no cost to them. Our church has done “Free” garage sales before and I thought that is just what I should do. Tuesday, I had a friend tell me of a young lady who needed a crib. I was thrilled that God was already sending me those who needed blessed. She was overjoyed at the sight of it and I sent her home with several other things. Once she left, it sunk in that Levi’s crib was gone and I wept. The rest of the nusery left in a hurry at the Free garage sale. Like ripping off a bandade, I needed to see it go fast.

It is an interesting social experiment to give away a lawn full of items for free. We had some embrace it, some thought we were crazy, some gave us money anyway, some felt like they were stealing and took as quick as they could, some couldn’t stop or take anything unless we were not watching. I walked up to each one and almost had to fill up bags for them and say, “Please, take.” I was facinating to me how much we view a free gift. A hint of scepticism, a sense of entitlement, a belief of unworthiness, snide remarks at the thought, or acceptance with open arms. Little did any of the people I met today realize, the deep pains I have were being relieved by each one who willingly took my free gifts. Overall, it was a good day for all of us……. including Mr. Jinx.

So Far….

We have not heard anything back from America World. It has been suggested to us to get send our story to those who license America World. I believe that will be one of the next steps we will take. Pray for us to pay our debts we have with our final payments in the process. Pray we will get money returned soon that needs returning. Finally, pray we will have wisdom for how far we need to take our story.

Yes, the treatment can get worse

We have sent off our second letter to America World this week. In the letter we corrected them in thier claim that we refused counseling and they failed to give us an option in any repayment. We withdrew from the program due to all the recommendations and the general mistreatment we endured. We have requested full repayment. Keep us in your prayers.

Taking steps forward

During my trip to PA, I found myself giving permission to weap while Lynn was not around. As I spoke to my family with questions they had, I seemed to use some consistant phrases…. “The time when Levi was taken away from us…..” or “When America World took him away…” or “The day was lost Levi…” I wondered if it was healthy to say these words to myself. I realized, YES! It feels as though he has been abducted or if he has died. I struggle not to speak of him as though I had held him and he were my own. We are required to destroy all photos and information on him. When a child dies or is abducted…. at least you have that last picture to look at. As much as I find myself desiring to look at his picture, I’m not sure if it will do any good for me or any of the family.
Keep us in prayer. The only thing we have received from America World has been a letter acknowledging our letter of severing ties. We were to get a letter of their reccommended refund. That letter has yet to come…. if ever. Please pray for wisdom and healing.

Severing ties

We received a call this week asking for a response. Jeremy told them a letter was in the mail to terminate our relationship. They asked if we knew our reimbursement options and Jeremy asked for it to be sent in the mail so we can read it. She tried to talk him into listening to them over the phone, but he insisted on a hard copy. We still have yet to receive it. I think he is doing a fabulous job leading this. As always, please keep praying!

The beginning of the end

Monday night, we met with Jeremy’s boss. He was so helpful. We composed a letter to send to America World describing our view of the social worker’s conduct and how we would like to sever ties with the agency. Jeremy’s boss stressed we should put in the letter how we feel things could have worked out, but the agency failed us as clients. If we sever ties, if/when we decide to pursue adoption again, we will not have to explain why if we allow them to reject us. We didn’t do anything wrong anyway. We shouldn’t have to spend our lives being treated as criminals for something we didn’t do. Please continue to pray for this situation because it is not over yet. Thank you to all who have written to us in support. We appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and stories.